Five Reasons I'm Still Married...

#5 We Pick Favorites, and They Are Each Other

This is the final installment! To see Five Reasons I'm Still Married #4, click here. 

You’ve seen the marriage books that speak on how important it is to choose one another above all else. I’ve even read that, as a signal to the offspring and The Universe, my husband and I ought to greet one another (with a hug, a smooch, whatever) when we rejoin at the end of a work day before acknowledging the kids. Sort of like saying: Love all you little people, but let’s be real – (s)he’s my favorite.

We don’t always subscribe to the greet-each-other-first rule (cuz, let’s also be real: there are so many other bodies between the door and me), but we certainly are on board with the overall philosophy of picking each other as our favorite.

I think my point here is: don’t let anybody else edge in. 

Not your kids. Not your contractor. Not your favorite coworker. Not your mom. Not even your best friend.

In times when it has been easier and more convenient to chat up my deepest emotional vulnerabilities with my bestie, I’ve had to watch it… as safe and healthy as she is, I ought not let her fill that role (for long periods of time) at the expense of my husband missing out on it. 

Let me not be misunderstood: I am a huge believer in not having the one you’re married to fulfill every last every-loving function. What a mistake it would be to expect that of one person. For funniness, you may go to Aunt Martie. For spiritual depth, you may go to a different peep. For a shared personal interest in ventriloquism, you probably only got one fella. To be professionally challenged, you might know someone who specifically inspires you up. There’s probably someone in your life who you go to to be coddled and who you know will leave you feeling warm and fuzzy. (For more Friendship Bucket categories, click here.)

Spouse doesn’t need to love puppets and be your single warm-fuzzy benefactor.

But spouse does need to know about the conversations you have with those who do. I really believe in quality sharing about most everything, even when it’s not your partner’s thing. Farm out your needs according to those who can fulfill them, but then make sure your favorite isn't butted out altogether, that (s)he gets to participate somehow, too – even if that’s indirectly.

Make sure your favorite stays your favorite. 

Make sure nobody else edges in.

Make sure at the end of the day, he knows he stands above the rest.

Make sure at the end of the day, she knows she stands above the rest. 

Even if your favorite doesn’t get the first kiss when you come home… make sure your favorite knows you know (s)he ought to.