Friday, December 28, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
But he was quite pleasant for the greedy part... TOYS!!!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
The Zubers have been very supportive to us. It is need to have been in each other's lives.
Thank you all. This is one heck of a Christmas gift to Duncan, to us, and to the many families whose children will benefit from your gift.
Honor of Duncan (from our half-marathon adventure)
Memory of Duncan
Total = 8,860.40
Sunday, December 16, 2007
So when I returned, most of the chores that were on my to-do list were already accomplished (what a gift to me, huh?). We spent the afternoon playing with our son, eyeing the beauty of the winter wonderland outside, working on some mini projects, and reading. When dinner time rolled around, I could tell that Scott was experiencing a bit of cabin fever... he gets like this when all the "tasks" are accomplished and there's no other productive use of his time. And these moments are when I get nervous - because you never know what he's gonna come up with. These times are when he gets unpredictable and creative. I could tell he was getting squirmy, exploring ideas of how to spend our evening. Then, self-rejecting each one, one by one. Movie? No. Make dinner together? No. Invite neighbor friends over? No.
Then, he finally seemed to hit on the dream-night, thereby putting his pent up energy to rest: We were to have D, D, & D night. He would pick up a take-n-bake Donatos pizza, booz, and a fire log from Kroger and we would buzz together while dreaming about our futures in front of the fire (hence, Dine, Drink and Dream). So that's what we did. My only role in the night was adding the final "D," busting out a favorite David Grey CD (thanks Theresa!). Down went Jackson (quite effortlessly in fact) and we commenced to have a night of conversation and connectivity as a married couple. God bless Old Crow bourbon and raspberry Schmirnoff! It all began around 6:30 and ended around 11pm. Did I mention that after eating a full Donatos take-n-bake pizza, Scott ordered another Donatos pizza for delivery at 10:30pm? That should explain how much we drank. It was so much fun.
I think the Kroger bagger summed it all up when, upon observing the items Scott purchased, remarked, "Life just doesn't get any better than that, does it?" Scott said he told him, "Nope, it doesn't."
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Jackson was napping while these emotional moments transpired, but was quickly reinvigorated when it came time to cruise at a whopping speed of 48 miles per hour (for those of you who aren't boat people, that's FAST) back to the dock. His little eye lashes were fluttering a mile a minute. But he, like usual, didn't seem to mind.
So that was one biggie for the week. But there were so many more. Namely, that I was offered the luxury of being a "kid" again. 2007 has required so much responsibility of me and, for the most part, I have met it with few complaints. But to be away from my home, away from laundry, away from my cell phone (for the most part), away from Christmas shopping (OK OK, we squeezed a little in at the end), away from anything truly requiring anything of me... that was golden. My meals were provided for me. Babysitting services were provided for me. And - best yet - a guaranteed spot reserved for me in that family was provided for me. So I kinda went into "kid" mode... just carefree and fun loving. It was just what the doctor ordered.
And the two mornings I went to the beach alone were also what the doctor ordered. I'd share what revelations I uncovered, but then no one would pay money to buy the book I'm gonna write. Ha. We'll see if that actually happens. But it IS crossing my mind...
And watching two girly movies was just what the doctor ordered: The Holiday and The Notebook. I like holidays and notebooks. And I like stories about deep love. And so it really worked out that Jackson decided to nap when I wanted to lounge on the couch and watch them with Aunt Jo.
Jackson experiences a plethora of firsts (but don't tell Scott, he's already depressed that we were away from him so long...). 1) His first time at the beach, 2) his first time in a pool (he prefers warm water, thank you very much!), 3) his first time sitting on Santa's lap (the nearby church where I interned one summer 7 years ago offered a Breakfast with Santa last Sat morning... how perfect!?), and 4) he rolled over from back to front for the first time, much from the coaching and practice Aunt Jo and Uncle Darrell offered.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Here's Jackson man squinting into the moisture of the falling flakes the day we departed (I had to slam a few doors to wake him from his nap just to toss him in this snonwsuit and subsequently in the snow leaving barely enough time to then head off to the airport)
And here we are on the Siesta Key beach. It wasn't the seaweed he disliked as much as it was the chilly ocean water. Brrrrr. Despite the gulfs chilliness, the FL temps were in the low 80s while we were there. NICE.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Hopefully I'll get some pics uploaded from there.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
But that's how I operate. I get all emotional, sobbing while writing my thoughts through the blur of tears. And it feels SO GOOD just to be in cry mode. And then, after I get it out for awhile... I'm good again. And really, I was pretty good even while crying. It's all good for the ole system, as far as I'm concerned.
Jackson and I visited with Duncan in the rain. It was Jackson's first trip out while it poured, so I did my best to shield him from the downpour by a pathetically beat up umbrella while his infant carrier sunk in the soaked, muddy ground. We were quite a ragamuffin pair.
I am still trying to figure out the whole "stay at home" thing. Seems like the authentic flavor of that life has yet to be tasted... between the holidays and visitors and relatives and special trips (going to Florida next week...yeeehaaa!). But on the few days that I have had with NO commitments, I somehow manage to do nothing inspirational as I dreamed of doing. My religious views are no more clear. My time with God is no more extensive. My political views no more firm. My reading is not lengthened. My philosophies haven't been explored. My future plans haven't been determined. Heck, I'm just now satisfying the goals of: know what the date is, read the highlights of the newspaper, figure out the day's weather, and get some exercise. But I guess some sort of rhythm takes time.
However, I would like to claim some sort of productivity today...I made a facebook account. I did it before I even knew I did it. Suddenly I somehow invited my entire email address book to become "friends" with me. And the rest is history. I still know very little about what I have got myseld into, but I'm exploring. It seems a little dangerous, given my already unstructured abundance of time...and how quickly it can become absorbed.
Enjoy the sweet pic of my boys. Last night I didn't stand a chance at staking the TV shows of my choice. Jackson and Scott monopolize when both "Godfather" AND "Rocky II" are on on the same night. Ha. Men.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thanksgiving Day outfit... Lynette and I have been itching to put this on him for 3 months!
Our home was a zoo from Wed to Sat. But it was a fun zoo. We all visited Duncan's grave on Thursday before the Thanksgiving feast, which felt very good. It also brought to mind how upsetting that Duncan would not be able to experience his first family holiday with us. The GGs, Dad, Justin, and Rachel (my 1st grade penpal who now lives in Chicago) were glad to have a reference for where Duncan is. It was an emotional, yet important visit.
Turkey Day at Lynette and Henry's was truly a good time. All 16 of us chowed down together. I am fortunate to have a family on Scott's side who invites and values my own family. I sat in the same spot as last year and remembered that Mom had sat directly opposite me the year before. I was pregnant and she (and Dad and Justin and Lynette and Henry) had just learned of their future grandchild (only figured one at that time!). Who sat in that spot this year? My dear husband, Scott. I was pleasantly surprised at how sad thoughts stayed at bay during that day. I've learned quite a bit about my style of grief. I've discovered that, in general, I tend to be very content and genuinely happy doing whatever I am doing with whomever I am with at the time. The goodness of life gets in the way of being sad. It is not until the quiet moments that I reflect upon what had changed and the sadness then seaps in. And I let it. So, Thursday later in the evening was one of those nights.
Sat was Turkey Day Round II. We traveled to Dresden and spent time with Grandma and Grandpa Ricci and Diane. Scrabble and Taboo entertained us. I don't think I have laughed as hard as I did that afternoon playing those games as I have in a long while. I wish everyone had the chance to play Taboo with Ricci Arthur.
Diane and Jackson
A Scrabble expert-in-the-making
And last, but not least, today was a lazy day. And I mean that. I did not leave the house. I did not complete house projects (including cleaning). I did not exercise (what's new?). I did only the bare basics: feed Jackson - and the rest of the day just kind of disappeared. Might I brag on my husband for operating rather effieciently around his bum-wife. He did laundry, tidied, cleaned the kitchen floor, got up in the morning with Jackson before I was ready to wake, and deflated air mattresses. Where did I find this guy? Plenty of my girlfriends wish he had a brother to place dibs on. What a wonderful thing that we have the opportunity to create a man (jackson) just as selfless of a servant to his future wife!
In other news, when the heck is my child going to sleep through the cockadoodee night?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
My dear friend KK turned 30 last week and so her friends "kidnapped" her to a Hocking Hills cabin for some fun and fellowship (and good eating and hot-tubbing). We returned yesterday afternoon... and then re-kidnapped her last night for a fanstastic dinner at Cap City Diner with friends. It was very joyous.
But in the silence of my quiet moments, I felt sad. For many reasons. Yesterday marked 3 weeks, to the day, since Duncan died and 5 months, to the day, since Mom died. These two "anniversaries" colliding on the same day left me feeling very melancholy later in the evening. And I think it has carried over to today.
But there will be many more days like this to come. And I need to prepare myself for them, lean into them, be OK with them, and not resist them. The holidays are going to feel very new and different this year. I think I am just now starting to understand that as well. I never thought I would be "that person" so many churches and grief groups refer to when they make mention of how hard the holidays are for "some" people. Weird.