Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Pics of KK's 30th & Some Deep Thoughts...





From the Top: KK's Mom, Kathy, with Jackson, Carey and KK all smiles, Dick and Becky happy about their shared banana split, and Scott and I with the world's BIGGEST chocolate cake. I ate it single handedly. Just kidding.
I need to give a shout out to my girls from Sigma Alpha Tau (before the deep thoughts). On Sunday, Scott and I were winding down for the night and he said "Boy, today was productive." And we didn't share in one ounce of that productivity. It was all done for us! (That's what I call a Sabbath! Ha). Emily and Adam, Bri, and Tiffany raked like it was their JOB in our front and back yards. I forgot I had grass under there. It looks so good. Then, more generosity rolled on in our driveway... a huge truck, loaded with Sara, Brian and a big ole freezer showed up. And now I have an enormous freezer in my basement, equipped to keep all the good eats until we are ready to eat them! Now, if I can only find a new place for my cat litter and "yard sale" pile (please tell me everyone has one of those). I think everyone's whole back yard should have a catacomb underneath it specifically meant for storage. One little basement is simply not enough.
And now for those deep thoughts I promised you.
Scott and I talk about Duncan a lot. We visit his grave a few times a week (today was a beauty of a day to stand and talk to him). I do my best every day to close my eyes and visualize his sweet face. And when I can't seem to bring his image to mind, I go through stacks of pictures to ensure that those 5 months can continue to be reinvented in my consciousness. I think I fear most forgetting pieces of his memory. To me, it feels like I am not honoring him properly if I forget even one detail about his eyes, nose, hair, toes, personality...
And there are couple other thoughts we have had about honoring Duncan. On that Glenlaurel trip on Oct 30th, Scott shared how he had this overwhelming desire to make Duncan proud. His feelings were that Duncan went through so much more than either of us had... physical and emotional trauma. And, for the most part, he did it without complaint. So, as a result, Scott feels a deep respect for Duncan. As if his Spirit (which we both have identified is ageless when it is not bound by physical and developmental limitations) is to be revered. Thus, Scott's desire to make Duncan proud. He wants everything he is and does from Duncan's death forward to be good and right and worthy.
My thoughts are similar, mainly a simplified version of Scott's. I want to be made different by Duncan. In my thinking, if I don't proactively create a change, then his existence did not matter... then I am not honoring him... then I am not honoring God, for that matter... then the potential goodness as a result of his life and death was not seen through.
I have no doubt that I have been changed by Duncan's presence in my life. Clearly, he has and will continue to transform me in some way(s). But what I'm describing is something more intentional. It almost feels like what I'm hunting for could be likened to a way extreme New Year's resolution. Like, "For Duncan, I vow to forever stop gossiping" And when I come close to that personal flaw, I would think, "Now, I promised Duncan I wouldn't." Or as drastic as going into ministry, as if to say, "Thanks, Duncan, for giving me that extra nudge." Or to volunteer at Children's, offering support to families similar to ours. Or to start a foundation. Or I don't know what. But one thing is for sure, I do not want this event in our lives, the event called "Duncan" to get lost.
So that's what I wanted to share.
As for the upcoming Turkey Day, we will have a house full of love and chaos. Our cat Lilly, Grandmom and Grandad's cat Sasheen, and Dad's dog Esther will spend two days fighting (literally) like "cats and dogs." But their owners will be much more civilized towards one another! I cannot wait to love on the GGs, Dad, Justin, and Rachel, my oldest pen-pal friend. We will be eating our real Thanksgiving meal at Lynette and Henry's. Yum.

2 comments:

devaneygirlstill said...

Tricia, thank you so very much for the shout out! It was our pleasure, and getting to love on Jackson was just the icing on the cake!!!
I really admire your thoughts on how to honor Duncan, I LOVE the ideas. Whatever you decide to persue, one or all, you have complete and total support.
Thank you again for having us! I hope your holiday is wonderful, I certainly am thankful for you and your family and the profound but really wonderful effect it has had on me.
Take good care and we will see you soon!
Emily

aubregary said...

That was so beautifully written. I tend to read your posts in tears, but they always inspire me to be a better person and parent. I am inspired by your and Scott's faith and strength. I hope you and Jackson and Scott had a wonderful Thanksgiving. As for you both wanting to make Duncan proud...you already have so very much. Sincerely, Aubre Rice