Saturday, October 27, 2007

We lost our Duncan

Where to begin...

As the past couple blogs have indicated, Duncan had been moving in the right direction. The docs informed us on Thursday that the only thing keeping him from returning home was transitioning from the NG feeding tube to feeding through a bottle. In fact, Thursday was his "graduation" from the intensive care unit to the step down unit. Both Scott and I, at separate times, were able to hold and rock our little guy that day.

Friday morning at 1:30 am we received a phone call from Children's explaining that Duncan had taken a turn for the worst. The Nurse Practioner explained that he "coded," meaning Duncan went into cardiac arrest.

We swooped up Jackson and headed immediately to the hospital to enter a scene with Duncan still very much in danger. He had been transferred back to the ICU at that point, and was using the ventilator to breathe fully for him and medications to make his heart pump correctly. He repeated the cardiac arrest episode at about 7:00am, this time us looking on (Jackson, at this point, had been safely transferred to Lynette).

We called in the troops at that point and spent the day in his hospital room with beloved family and friends in a prayerful state of peace. Part of this peace for Scott and I was getting the opportunity to hold Duncan and sharing stories of his nearly 5 months of life. Duncan was resting comfortably. Scott and I had multiple conversations with Dr. Cua, Dr. Lee, and Dr. G. We were asking the question that could not be answered: Is there a way Duncan can "come out" of this? If not, we felt that we needed to be Duncan's voice and make a hard decision. After several walks and talks, Scott and I decided to allow Duncan to make that decision for us; we would continue what was sustaining him at the time, but not use further intervention if he were to worsen.

He let us know it was time at 9:41pm Friday evening. His heart stopped beating. Dr. Cua waited one minute and then told us he was gone. We asked for Duncan to guide us and he did. For this reason, we feel a sense of peace.

The arrangements for Duncan are as follows:

Monday, October 29th at Powell United Methodist Church (825 East Olentangy Road)
Visitation: 3:00-5:00 pm
Service: 5:30 -6:00 pm

We ask that, in lieu of flowers, gifts be made in the form of donations to Nationwide Children's Hospital's Heart Center in memory of Duncan Rann Arthur.

37 comments:

ArtCricket said...

I don't know where to begin and have no word adequate to express my sorrow for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May God grant you strength and peace in the days ahead.
Beth A

Christine said...

Tricia and Scott, I have been following your journey and am so sorry to hear of Duncan's passing. I can only imagine how heavy your hearts are right now and will continue my prayers for your family. Duncan is whole and vibrant in Jesus' arms, and I hope that brings you peace in the time to come. Love to your family,
Christine and Jason

Holly Robertson said...

Tricia, Scott, and Jackson - Our hearts are heavy with the loss of Duncan. What a joy to have him for the time you did as a brother, son, grandson, and great-grandson. You all are in our thoughts and prayers. The pictures you have shared show the obvious joy and love that exists between all of you.
Love, Holly and Nick

devaneygirlstill said...

Tricia and Scott, I cannot express how much you are all loved and cannot say how much I am so sorry. You are both such amazing parents and I am praying for your family as are many, many others. You all have touched us so much. We love you and will pray.
Love,
Emily Devaney Replogle

Kara said...

Tricia & Scott, Jon & I are deeply saddend to hear of Duncan's passing. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
Kara & Jon

nikki said...

Tricia and Scott,
I am so sorry to hear about your son Duncan. I have been reading your story and think that you made a brave and heartfelt decision to listen to your sons wishes. You are very strong people. I will keep you in my prayers and thank you for sharing your story.
Nikki Boeshansz

Chris Robbins said...

Scott and Trish - God gave you a true gift in Duncan. Though he was only with you a short time, the tenacity and strength of such a little fighter will remain a part of so many people's lives forever. I am heartbroken at your loss. Cling to your families - and to your "other" families...those at your church, at Wellington, and at Trish's school. Please know that we love you all.

Chris Robbins

Liz said...

Tricia & Scott,
Dan and I are so sad to hear of Duncan's passing. Please know that you all are in our thoughts and prayers.

-Liz Beck

Laura said...

Scott, Tricia and Jackson,

Duncan's sweet little soul is now in the cradle of God's love.

You are held in the prayers of someone who deeply cares.

Laura

Theresa said...

Scott and Trish: My heart broke to hear this news. I know Jesus is holding Duncan now, but I know you two want to hold him as well. Please know that you and all your family are in my prayers at this time.

Joy Strancar said...

Dear Tricia, Scott, and Jackson,
WE are so sorry to hear about your loss. We are thinking and praying for you.
Love,
Joy and Alan

Carli said...

Tricia and Scott, My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Duncan. Please know you have friends who will listen and care...and I am one of them. Please let us know what you need. We are all here for you and your family.
Love,
Carli Amlin Dean

Holly said...

Dear Tricia & Scott, My heart is broken for you, Jackson, Duncan's Grandparents and those in love with your family. As a member of LCUMC I have prayed, cried and cheered for your family. Duncan was truly blessed to have parents who listened & respected his needs at a time when it is so easy to put our needs, to hold onto him, first. We chose to the make the same decision for our sons. It was another proof of our love for them. May your decision and knowing that Duncan is in the arms of Christ provide you with peace in the darkest of times. With continued prayers, Holly S.

Mia said...

Tricia & Scott,
I am so sorry to hear about little Duncan. You both are the most amazing parents, the love and strenght you have both displayed are a tribute to Duncan's short life and a true blessing for Jackson. Duncan has a guardian angel, and she was there with open arms when he arrived. Love to you all, Mia

Lepus said...

Tricia and Scott and Jackson,
I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you.
All my love to you guys.

linda shank said...

Dear Scott and Trish,
We are so saddened by your loss. There are no words .... Know that Duncan is in God's strong, loving arms. We love you and know that God will strengthen you. You all are in our prayers.
Love,
Linda, Arianne and Emily

aubregary said...

Gary and I don't know you very well, but we have been following your story through John Swartz at Wellington...and you and I were pregnant at the same time. I write this through tears (as we have a 4 month old too) and have no words for your loss. At a time like this you question why God would allow such a tragedy. I pray for you and and your family that you will have peace in knowing that Duncan is having so much fun in heaven running and playing free of all that was holding him down here on Earth. We are thinking of you both and your little Jackson. Love, Aubre, Gary and Noah Rice

Sarah said...

Words cannot begin to express the sadness I feel for you, Scott, and Jackson. My love to you three as you go through this journey of loss. My prayer is that you hold to each other and know that Duncan is surrounded by angels. I can picture your mom holding sweet Duncan in her arms and singing him the sweet heavenly lullabies. You are an amazing family and have suffered two great losses in the past 5 months. The "why's" may never be answered, but I know that your faith in God will carry you through this. Much love, Sarah

aaronzuber said...

We are deeply saddened to hear the news about Duncan. We will continue to pray for God to give you peace. We love you.

Aaron and Tracy

Jennifer said...

Tricia and Scott,

My heart goes out to you today. Part of Duncan remains with you and all who loved him until you see him again.

With love,
Jenn and Aaron Frim

Julie said...

Scott and Tricia,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that your baby boy is in a better place today and that both of you are very special people having been touched by him. I pray that God may grant you peace.

Tessa said...

Tricia and Scott,

You don't know me ... but I had to tell you how much little Duncan has touched my life. I am friends with Danny and Beth, and I have been reading your story and lifting you up in prayer in past weeks. My heart was so sad on Saturday when I heard about Duncan, and you have been on my heart ever since. I just pray that God gives you the peace and comfort that I know only He can give and that you rest assured in knowing that Duncan is at peace in a much better place. What a sweetheart!

Much love,
Tessa Miller

Mike and Danielle said...

Scott and Trisha,

Mike and I were so sorry to hear of your loss. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your families.

Danielle Cosgrove

Beth Phelps said...

Tricia, Scott, and Jackson,
What a special gift you have been given, and what a special gift remains, both under God's timetable. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Duncan and my prayers include you all. We will see you very soon. Love, Beth Phelps (Holly's mom)

Mary Rose said...

Dear Tricia and Scott: A good friend of mine, Debbie Wagner, has been keeping us informed on Duncan't situation. Your little boy and your family have been in my prayers continuously; he was so present in my heart - it was as if I knew him. I am deeply saddened by the news of his passing, and trust that God will comfort you and bless you with all that you need for now and for the days to come. Duncan has his angel wings now, and he will be with you at all times. Love, Mary Rose Tichar, Cleveland, OH

Kristin said...

Scott and Tricia,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Duncan-You all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Love,
Kristin Finamore

Christina said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know there are no words that can soothe the pain but I hope that knowing you are in the thoughts of so many people will bring you some comfort. I am thinking of you and hoping for peace in your hearts.
love,
cici

Melissa Fast said...

Tricia and Scott,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Words are simply and completely inadequate at such a sorrowful time. I hope you can find some comfort in your friends and family.
Peace,
Melissa Fast

Jessica Miller Kelley said...

Tricia, Scott, and Jackson,
My heart aches for you all. I pray you will feel God's arms around your family now and always.
--Jessica

devaneygirlstill said...

Tricia, Scott and Jackson,
The service yesterday was moving and beautiful. You are an amazing family and we will not stop praying and we will be there for you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
We love all four of you very much.
Love,
Emily Devaney Replogle & fam

Christian said...

Tricia,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Duncan sounds like a very loved little boy. You and your family are in my prayers.
Christian

Jessica said...

Hi Tricia - my mom has been keeping me updated with your boys and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your family will be in my prayers. As has been mentioned numerous times in other comments, what assurance it is to know that Duncan is with God and is perfectly whole. May God Bless you all in the days, months, and years to come.
Jessica Lowry McNamara

BT said...

I admire your strength during this journey. Thank you for being so open on your blog. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to read your entries.

Terri sent me the link to the blog. My thoughts are with you during your journey ahead and may you find peace as you travel.

God bless you and your family.

Addie Tobey

Amy O said...

Your family continues to remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy O (from book club)

Michael J. Maxwell said...

Tricia and Scott: I am very good friends with Becky Smith and she has kept me updated as to Duncan's health over the past few months. I have been pulling and praying for him. May he now rest in peace where there are no more tubes and needles. Your whole family remains in my thoughts and prayers.

Michael J. Maxwell

Deb said...

Tricia, Scott, Jackson and the entire extended families,
I am a member of LCUMC, but you also know me thru my Mom, Evalyn Anderson, and I was Richard's nurse. I, too, have followed your story closely and send you heartfelt sympathy for the earthly loss and Joy for the heavenly gain. No tubes, lots of energy, and angels to play with--what fun! I had a very wise friend of mine very recently consoled me with the observation, "not to worry; Heaven is a very good place to grow up in!" With love and prayers, Deb (Anderson) McMillan

aubregary said...

Gary and I wanted to check in on your family and let you know that we are continuing to pray for you everyday. We pray for peace for you and your family.

Sincerely,

Aubre, Gary and Noah Rice