Monday, November 26, 2007

1 month

Duncan died one month ago. My mood was pretty pleasant until Jackson went down for a ridiculously long nap (I'll take it!) and I spent time with my journals. It was about that time that my mood started reflecting the weather: droopy, gloomy, and sad.

But that's how I operate. I get all emotional, sobbing while writing my thoughts through the blur of tears. And it feels SO GOOD just to be in cry mode. And then, after I get it out for awhile... I'm good again. And really, I was pretty good even while crying. It's all good for the ole system, as far as I'm concerned.

Jackson and I visited with Duncan in the rain. It was Jackson's first trip out while it poured, so I did my best to shield him from the downpour by a pathetically beat up umbrella while his infant carrier sunk in the soaked, muddy ground. We were quite a ragamuffin pair.

I am still trying to figure out the whole "stay at home" thing. Seems like the authentic flavor of that life has yet to be tasted... between the holidays and visitors and relatives and special trips (going to Florida next week...yeeehaaa!). But on the few days that I have had with NO commitments, I somehow manage to do nothing inspirational as I dreamed of doing. My religious views are no more clear. My time with God is no more extensive. My political views no more firm. My reading is not lengthened. My philosophies haven't been explored. My future plans haven't been determined. Heck, I'm just now satisfying the goals of: know what the date is, read the highlights of the newspaper, figure out the day's weather, and get some exercise. But I guess some sort of rhythm takes time.

However, I would like to claim some sort of productivity today...I made a facebook account. I did it before I even knew I did it. Suddenly I somehow invited my entire email address book to become "friends" with me. And the rest is history. I still know very little about what I have got myseld into, but I'm exploring. It seems a little dangerous, given my already unstructured abundance of time...and how quickly it can become absorbed.

Enjoy the sweet pic of my boys. Last night I didn't stand a chance at staking the TV shows of my choice. Jackson and Scott monopolize when both "Godfather" AND "Rocky II" are on on the same night. Ha. Men.


1 comment:

devaneygirlstill said...

I joined facebook today too, my sis is nuts about it!
I though about Duncan today... he knows that you were there. I think it is a beautiful thing that you will always let Jackson know his brother and all of the wonderful things he is.
And as for staying home... the right thing will come to you. You are a good and true person and will do great things, just sit back and let them come to you.
Love your serial commenter,
Emily