Friday, October 17, 2014

Excited and Frightened...

I am both wildly excited and wildly frightened by the POTENTIAL (**we do not know gender yet**) prospect of giving birth to a baby girl.

Why am I processing about this?

Well, cuz, with an offspring track record such as mine (boy after boy after boy), the most predictable question I get asked on the playground, in the grocery store, on the soccer field, in the gymnastics waiting area, on walks... is, "So, are you so hoping it's a girl?"

And I should probably skip the real answer and just simply say, "yes, of course!" which is sorta kinda true. But the more accurate answer takes longer. And even though asker really didn't plan to get an earful, I proceed anyway in explaining that my feelings on the gender topic are mixed.

1) First off, easy - in life right at the moment - is good. Hard is harder and badder. So when I think about what I know -  it's how to be a mother to a boy. I know how to talk to a boy, how to discipline a boy, how to rough house with a boy, how to host boy playdates... And then when I think about what the rest of lil Arthurs know - it's how to include boy Arthur siblings. Jackson, Sullivan, and Anderson have only known brothers. They get how to be a sibling to a brother. They breathe, speak, eat, dream "BOY."

So no matter how you look at it, adding a girl life into this crazy Arthur household is going to require "more" than what we know how to be right now. And more = harder. And, as aforementioned, harder = badder. :) Truly, not really, but that's how it seems as our bustling family is already rather FULL.

2) I do not wish, in any way, to pass the buck on raising well-adjusted offspring, because - after all - I am around the lil dudes the majority of the time during the day. BUT - I have always held the belief that it is the same-gendered parent who best is able to model for the kiddo what it means to be an awesome adult male/female. For my boys, Scott is sorta THE MAN responsible for teaching them all the ins and outs of being THE MAN.

I feel like an insecure 3rd grader when I begin thinking about how intimidating it is to be THE WOMAN responsible for modeling how to be a healthy, balanced, mature WOMAN for my daughter.  Basically, I don't want to be looked up to. :) It feels scary and overwhelming. I'm sure I'd get over myself and return to my 35-yr-old emotional self (instead of the third grade emotional self I seem to be sporting surrounding this topic now), but if I'm being honest with myself, I am just plain paralyzed by the pressure.

3) I really thought there was a 3 or else I wouldn't have numbered in the first place. If it comes to me, I'll get back to ya.

October 27th is when either I will process more about this journey or consider it a closed subject. Cuz that's when we find out this little bambino's gender! YIPPEE! Suspense will be over. I must say, I DO love the suspense. Best part. Besides the birth.

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