Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tuesdays and Thursdays OK

I was very eager for this week to start. Not only does Sophia add a bit more structure to my rather loose stay-at-home schedule, I also was very excited about Jackson becoming more socialized. Both are happening. And it is good. Day 1, Tuesday, with Sophia brought back a lot of interesting memories and thoughts about life with two. Juggling Jackson and she definitely made me think of Duncan, and that I would be doing the juggling with Jackson and he if he was here. My "doubles" all came back out from their hiding places - the extra car seat, the extra space saving chair... probably most emotional was bringing the twin stroller to life again. It has been hibernating in the garage. And when I saw them both in it at the ripe old age of 7 months and all the new developments that have happened since the nearly 5 month mark of Duncan's death, my thought was, "It would be so cool to parent twins at this age. Wish he was here."

Sophia still is the apple of Jackson's eye. He is just SO into her. I'm trying to teach him how to play "the game" of flirtation, but he is pretty direct about his affection. Meanwhile, Sophia either plays hard to get or simply does not care about boys. The latter is how I spent much of my younger years, so I don't blame her.

The other structure offered me this week is my work-out regiment with KK. She and I are now both members of this way-cool and way-cheap gym in Clintonville called "Planet Fitness" - it's near Weiland's Market on Indianola. We have committed to meeting there on M-W-F mornings at 6:15am. 6:15 AM!!! I hadn't seen that time of the morning voluntarily since teaching. So we run on the boring tread mills, but talk girl talk the whole time, making it bareable.

So, as I said in my New Years blog, my goals were to commit to being physically active, a good mom, and spiritually devoted. The second on the list is a work in progress every day. And the third is getting to a good place. Many are aware of the recent "dilemma" in my spirituality... involving mainly a general skepticism about some of the tenants of my Christian background. This skepticism is NOT related to the "crud" of circumstances in 2007... it is really more a manifestation of many thoughts that have drifted in and out of concern along my path. Now that I am not consumed by full-time teaching or any other drama to prevent me from being present with myself, all of these "hang-ups" with Christianity have moved from the back burner to the front one. But don't worry, I am still a follower of Jesus. I just want to commit a lot of time in my devotion to God - WITHOUT necessarily sticking to the belief system generally taught by the Christian church. And I want to dig in to the core of some of my "issues" to sincerely ask myself if they are valid.

Sooooo.... with that incredibly long introduction, here's what I do: During the morning nap (if all goes well!) I have two devotion books that I read (yes, they are Christian in nature and most of the time I am right with the author, but sometimes I raise a skeptical eyebrow). Then I read from the Bible. Then I read a bit from a book about world religions. Then I sit in silence. Then, if I'm feeling the vibe to, I pray with words. This is enough for now, but soon I intend on reading much more - from a guide book about how to meditate to "The Gnostic Gospel" to "The Case for Christ," which outlines how a non-believer became a believer, to "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis.

OK... so I didn't plan on divulging my "Dilemma" openly at this particular juncture. But - you know how I am with words - I just kept rambling. I feel it necessary to state, in closing, that me and God are so incredibly connected. God and me are cool - always have been. It's my understanding of the Bible and salvation that always get me in a whirlwind. So I am committing the time now in my life (and a perfect time it is without the pressures of work) to investigate further. I pray every day that God honors this investigation.

Below are some awesome pictures of our day together. How bout Jackson and Sophia going for the same toy?

The Lahman's gave Jackson this great toy barn filled with "bite-size" animals. Jackson sucks on them like popsicles. The poor little farm critters don't stand a chance.

1 comment:

Carli said...

Love to chat with you sometime about all of this...I think you might find that there are many in the same boat.